What should I do or not do when getting a Divorce?


divorce
After my husband unexpectedly asked for a divorce I was grief-stricken and clueless about the divorce process. My husband told me he would get a lawyer and that I did not need to since we could just settle our affairs with his lawyer. I was at least smart enough to not fall for that and did in fact hire my own lawyer. The first piece of advice my legal counsel gave me was to take half of the money from our joint financial accounts. At the time I felt very uncomfortable doing that and went against my lawyer's advice big mistake.

I was had been a stay-at-home mom with no income and when my, soon to be ex-husband, made my son and I, move out of our home and find an apartment, I had to quickly look for work to pay for the rental. Although I earned a degree in Journalism, after being out of work for so long it was impossible to find a job in my field. So, I took a quick course to become a Certified Nursing Assistant and was offered a job at a local hospital. The job was menial and paid little but was enough to make ends meet.

Once the divorce process got underway, the vindictive side of my ex-husband was revealed and we battled by way of angry phone calls and text messages. Now I know that fighting fire with fire only make the process worse.

According to About.com the following are descriptions and examples of some nasty tricks lawyers and their clients will sometimes pull during the divorce process:

Take money out of jointly held bank accounts, put it all into an account in your name alone and don't tell your spouse beforehand.

Use credit cards to purchase and stock up on personal items or make large purchases. Make sure to use the cards for which your spouse is the primary cardholder.

If you have moved out of the household and are the primary source of income for the family, refuse to pay household bills or send support until you are forced to by the court.

If your spouse doesn't have an income withholding order, wait until the latest possible day to pay support money.

Petition the court for primary custody of your children when you actually agree to a joint custody or visitation agreement. The real purpose for the request is to strike fear into the heart of your spouse and use it as a club to get your spouse to give up on something else, usually a financial issue.

Refuse to speak to your spouse about anything, including arrangements for him or her to have parenting time with your children. This technique is used by lawyers to create unnecessary conflict thus breaking parent-child ties.

So, what should couples going through a divorce actually do? Here is a list of the Dos for getting a divorce:

Do be reasonable and cooperate with each other
Do support your children through the process
Do work out visitation of your kids with your husband
Do fully disclose all your assets and property. Financial deception is grounds for a divorce case to be thrown out of court.
Do ask your attorney lots of questions.

After my divorce was finalized, which happened to fall on my birthday of all things, we had amicably settled on finances, property distribution and visitation schedules with our son. My ex-husband and I are both remarried now and still conflict on different issues but we both realize it's of upmost importance to have a civil relationship for the well-being of our son.

Written by : Kelly Adams Dennis, United States(USA)

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Edited by: Rajesh Bihani ( Find me on Google+ )

Disclaimer: The suggestions in the article(wherever applicable) are for informational purposes only. They are not intended as medical or any other type of advice